TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
