Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
