Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Randomize
