I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
