I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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