Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
