note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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