I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
