Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
