I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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