No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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