when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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