He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
