Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
