yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You don't make any sense
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