Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
