I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
