Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
