A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
