I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
