glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
