Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
