is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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