Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
A+ Viking dick
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
