But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Randomize
