just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
