Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
