Pappa wants mamma naked
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
