If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
