Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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