Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
