drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
