Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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