I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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