the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
