I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
ttyl tear gas
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
