One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
