this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
