new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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