sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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