It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
