The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
