i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
