I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
