I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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