you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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