I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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