He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
