i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Who wants vodka and apple sauce
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
