i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
