D3 body, D1 cock
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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