look no pants
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
