All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
