Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
