I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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