Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
