A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
