your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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