My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
