He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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