I'm eating all of the evidence.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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