drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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