You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
