he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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